Lately my Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat feed have been full of pregnancy announcements, and I think that’s awesome! We’re getting older and I love seeing old classmates and loved ones expanding their families with their significant others. I’ve even come across a few “we’re adopting” posts and my heart always swells with love and happiness. I feel like I’ve mentioned adoption on this blog a few times, but never really wrote a full post about it. Well all of that changes today.
I feel like adoption was placed on my heart when I was really young. I remember talking about it when I was in elementary and middle school, when all the other little girls were running around stuffing pillows and their coats under their shirts pretending to pregnant I wasn’t. I always knew that I wanted to be a parent, just not a biological one. Fast forward to college when I first experienced friends getting pregnant and starting their families. I was happy for them and was even asked when I was going to settle down with current boyfriends and start a family of our own. My go-to answer then was that I planned on starting the adoption process when I was in my early 30’s . Well at 20 that was so far away, but at 28 it’s right around the corner. I’ve shared my desire to adopt with previous significant others and the most common answer was that they were cool with it if we could “have our own” children first. Red flag number one for me. Looking back, I’m happy I’m no longer with any of those guys because I don’t think that they were what God had planned for me as a mate for life and father for our children.
I’m dating around now, in fact I just started eHarmony, and I’ve made sure to list on my profile that I plan on adopting children and I keep getting the same questions so I thought I’d answer them on my blog.
Why do you want to adopt? I feel like I was put on this earth to give and show love, and one way to do that is to be a parent, a mother. There are many avenues to motherhood and my avenue just so happens to be through adoption. I want to show children who didn’t ask to be brought into this world (especially in circumstances that aren’t necessarily the best) that they still deserve to be loved and there’s someone out there who wants to give them the kind of love a parent gives their child.
Are you not able to have biological children? Is adoption a last ditch effort at parenthood? So, I’ve actually been asked if I was barren. In 2015. And to answer that question, I’m not. As far as I know my reproductive organs are fully functioning and able to create and gestate a baby. I’m deciding not to go the biological route.
What about your husband, what if he wants biological children? I’m a firm believer in God giving us the desires of our heart as long as we delight ourselves in Him. I know women out there who pray for their future husbands, and I’m one of them. One of my prayers for my future husband is that he’s 151% on board with only adoption and I pray that God will grant me that desire and give my perfect mate that same desire. Does that mean that I won’t date a guy who doesn’t want to adopt? No. I have no problem seeing a guy casually, but I will let him know that it won’t get serious if he doesn’t want the same things I want. But then again, that goes with other things too (ie: religious beliefs, life goals, etc).
Why older children? These are the children who are typically left in the system, especially in the US. These are the kids who’ve lost their “cute” factor, and typically age out of the system in foster care. These are the kids that are deemed as “damaged” or “mentally unstable”, the kids that I should be afraid of. But 9.999 times out of 10 none of those terrible labels are true! Yeah, no one’s perfect but these are the kids that deserve love the most! A child born of my women could have a disability, but does that make them any less worthy of love? No. So what makes an adopted child less deserving of love? Now I know that with adopting older children this means that I’ll miss quite a few milestones in their life (ie: first step, first word, etc), but this also means that we’ll hit a lot of milestones together quickly. I would love a kid leaving elementary or entering middle school and I don’t know if y’all remember middle school but life changed there. Lifetime friendships were made, musical and athletic talents are discovered, kids develop a voice and I cannot wait to experience all of that with my children.
International or domestic adoption? As of now, I’m leaning heavily towards domestic adoption. I would love adopt some kids here in Texas, but I’m not opposed to inter-state adoption. I really want to work with the foster care system and get my kiddos that way. I would prefer not to do a private adoption, but if the Lord leads me that way then I’ll follow.
How many children do you want? I’ve said 2 in the past, but I don’t want to split up siblings. Once again, I’ll follow where God leads me and my husband on that one.
Were you adopted? I was honestly surprised at how many times I got this question. I guess the guys just assumed that I only wanted to adopt because I was, but that’s not true. While I do know people who have been adopted, I was not. I come from a huge family and can’t wait to introduce them to my kiddos.
Are you scared? Absolutely terrified! Name one parent, biological or adopted who isn’t and I’ll show you a liar. This is going to be a learning experience for all of us involved and I look forward to experiencing that rollercoaster together.
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to write a post like this, but here it is. I welcome all questions and comments so please submit some below or email me!